Woke up this morning from a disturbing dream. In it I was with some old manufacturing associates. Used in the dream and although the details are hazy, I ended up doing something chemically to the product. "Tweaking" it somehow. Then the idea occurred to me that I could pick up what I needed for about $50 and cook some high quality meth. I even recalled in my dream that I would be breaking a promise to my Dad, as I had given him my word that I would never cook dope again. I recall feeling like I was going to do it nonetheless. I woke up very disturbed.
I spoke with my sponsor and he said that he sometimes dreams of his greatest fears. This makes sense. As going back to that lifestyle is so terrifying. But the allure to return is almost as strong. This is the really scary part. Just playing the tape the whole way through is not enough. The dream portrayed my natural procession of my disease. To use, be dissatisfied and to make what I desire. To once again reach Godhood by creating the drug that almost destroyed me.
I feel I must try to help someone else to free me of my obsession. Hence this post. I also must schedule speaking engagements that I have laid the groundwork to do. Gateway Counseling and Spartanburg County Jail are two immediate ones. I will be scheduling them on Monday. I know I must carry the message to fellow sufferers or I am in danger of cooking again.
Dreams do not have to come true.
I spoke with my sponsor and he said that he sometimes dreams of his greatest fears. This makes sense. As going back to that lifestyle is so terrifying. But the allure to return is almost as strong. This is the really scary part. Just playing the tape the whole way through is not enough. The dream portrayed my natural procession of my disease. To use, be dissatisfied and to make what I desire. To once again reach Godhood by creating the drug that almost destroyed me.
I feel I must try to help someone else to free me of my obsession. Hence this post. I also must schedule speaking engagements that I have laid the groundwork to do. Gateway Counseling and Spartanburg County Jail are two immediate ones. I will be scheduling them on Monday. I know I must carry the message to fellow sufferers or I am in danger of cooking again.
Dreams do not have to come true.